My Heavens and Earth.. So far

In the beginning, I did some stuff.

Later, I did other stuff…

On the Xth day, I co-wrote Bibles Be Trippin’ & I’m pretty sure God saw that it was good.

JI

Am I an Alcoholic? Bud Light Lime Be Trippin’!

Top O’ The Morning!

I’m sure you’re wondering what this post has to do with the book. Well isn’t it obvious? It’s a look inside one of the author’s minds. Okay, that was a stretch. But really I could go anywhere with this – Authors Be Trippin’, Alcoholics Be budlightlimeTrippin’, whatever.

So anyway, I just got done letting my dogs out to go potty before heading to work. As I was walking through the garage door to bring them in, I noticed a case of Bud Light Lime by the steps that needed to be taken in and stocked in the refrigerator. The case is open because instead of taking it in the house like a responsible adult, when I need another one I just walk to the garage, lean down and grab one out. Ridiculous.

When I saw the bottles, a risky thought entered my mind. They were so tempting; the bottles were glistening off of the reflection from the garage light and I knew they were cold because not only did they look EXACTLY like the picture, but we are in the midst of a tundra here in Lansing, MI.

I thought to myself, “You could have a beer this morning before work…” WHAT?

And that is how I came up with the headline: Am I an Alcoholic?

I might be and that is not a good look. I resisted the temptation this morning but tomorrow is another day and another test.

Wish me luck.

Also, have a great day!

-AI

Woke Up This Morning FURIOUS with Eve!

I’m about to take a risk.  That risk is over-sharing but I’m sorry, when something hits me, I need to get it out there.image_sci_body033

It’s been a rough morning for me.  My puppy woke me up at 6:15am which is not a good look for a person who may have had a few drinks the night before and played video games into the wee hours of the morning.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand.  I’ve known it was coming; I’ve been having some cramps, irritability and honestly, I’ve been trying to “wish” it away.  That doesn’t work.  Of course I thought of our book and the first chapter is a retelling of Adam and Eve.

Not saying I believe that any of this happened because it truly is absurd but when things go wrong, we need someone to blame and I blame Eve.  Actually, come to think of it, I’m trying to understand how when God “created” Eve, he thought oh, let me give her a “uterus, ovaries and a uterin wall.”  That right there is a fiasco.  Wouldn’t it have been easier for him to have devised a different way for people to get pregnant and deliver babies?  but no, we have lady parts and they bleed.

Eve is a jerk because she is supposedly the first woman ever created.  Her periods probably weren’t even that bad until the whole serpent, forbidden fruit nightmare.  I hate her and I hate my life for the next five days.

One time when I was younger I said to my mom, “Geez, my cramps hurt so bad.”  Her response, “GO GET YOU SOME PAMPRIN AND HAVE A NORMAL DAY.”  I could have slapped her.

Anyway, in our book, in chapter 2, Eve talks a bit about what it was like being on her period back then.  Gathering leaves for pads and all.  #GROSS – I guess there is a bright side – we have Always overnight with wings and Kotex tamps.

Serves her right.  Also, good morning and have a lovely day!

-AI

Meet the Bibles Be Trippin’ Authors

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Hey, what’s up guys? Jocelyn here! That’s me on the far left.. I usually wear sweats every day but I wanted to look “nice” for you all. Bleh.

Anyway, Alayne, my big sister and co-author on the right, lives in Michigan, 3 hours ahead of my lovely California home, called me WAY too early this morning saying that I needed to contribute to the blog because she’s “super busy” today sooo here goes.

I hope you like it… But if you don’t, hopefully by now you’ve realized that I’m one of those people that just doesn’t really care… Hence, the contents of this book and the disdain I have for those offended because if offended, I must question your intelligence and you must ask yourself, what am I REALLY upset about? Fiction is fun and entertaining so allow yourself to be entertained.

My mom, a Christian and God-fearing woman, found the profanity to be a little much but I mean, we go see rated R movies all the time and also, it’s 2013… And this is a modern interpretation and satirical retelling. So, if I’m a guy named Joe and my girlfriend, Mary, comes to me and says, “hey babe, I know I’m not having sex with you because I’m saving myself and think it’s important to be a good girl virgin nun blah blah.. I’m pregnant but I pinky promise I don’t know how it’s possible I’ve never slept with anyone..” She’s getting what the fuck’d. No way around it. Like, bitch please… You know?

Humor me.

Disregarding prior preconceived notions, this book tells 10 accounts from the holy bible in a cleverly modern way. It is a great read and an interesting understanding to Adam & Eve, Cain & Abel, Sodom and Gomorrah, the Birth of Christ, Noah’s Ark, David & Goliath, Jonah & the Whale, Daniel & the Lions Den, Moses and the Resurrection of Christ/Easter.

Back to the faces behind BBT… I’m a 25 year old, retired athlete from Michigan where I attended a D2 and pursued a broadcasting degree. I have insomnia amongst other things but in all honesty I’m running late so Alayne can tell you about herself later and in due time my ridiculousness will continue to shine through.

Follow us on Instagram and twitter @biblesbetrippin and check out the Cain & Abel excerpt on createspace.

https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1119718

Xoxo

– JI

Just Sayin… Bibles DO Be Trippin’

Were you there when the Bible was written?  No?  Well then surely you were there when Jesus walked on water or when Moses parted the Red Sea.  How about when Mary got pregnant without having sex?  No?  I wasn’t either and quite frankly I have some questions.  The substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen isn’t enough for me.

All I’m saying is that Bibles DO Be Trippin’ and these stories are prime examples.  Imagine if I went to a friend’s house and they asked me how I got there and I responded, “Oh, I just walked right across the lake.”  Can you see their faces?  They’d be like are you trippin’???

I’d say no and go look in the fridge for something to eat.  They probably wouldn’t have much food, so most likely I’d grab a slice of bread and some goldfish and feed us all!  Ridiculous right?

Well anyway, that’s some of what Bibles Be Trippin’ is about – sure we poke fun but if the stories are already ridiculous, at least we can take out some of the haths, shalls and doeth’s and make them funny.

-AI